Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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