I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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