Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You work out of a Hotel?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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