i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
