White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
