Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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