So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
