We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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