she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
