shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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