I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
