Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
