I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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