I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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