You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
