Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
