Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
