She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
