Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
