He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
