seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
