i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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