I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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