He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
