She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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