My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
