You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
