Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Did you just see the Batmobile???

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(862): View more from New Jersey

so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?

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(734): View more from Michigan

you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"

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(917): View more from New York City

i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better

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(848): View more from New Jersey

Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.

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(802): View more from Vermont

"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore

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