Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize