weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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