I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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