Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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