Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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