i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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