Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
