two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
