the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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