Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
