i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We're too hungover to prance.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
