I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
