haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
