I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
