I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
third nipple confirmed
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
