her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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