What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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