I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize