The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
