someone threw a dead crab at me
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
