ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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