Umm I'm too high to move.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
