saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
