youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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