i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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