i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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