im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
