Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
