so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
