so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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