I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
