guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
