If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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