grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
