the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize