What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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