Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
