i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
