he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
