Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
