You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
