I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
