we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
