had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
