Four minutes until I can fart!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize