I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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