ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize