I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
